Heartbeats
Fast fast fast
How do I feel?
You are home
Heartbeats
Fast fast fast
My chest is exploding
How do I feel?
In the realm of senses
My body is yours
In the realm of passion
My mind is yours
You told me
Everything is a mental construction
Everything can work out
Everything is mental
I love you
With my mind
I love you
With my skin
What is left
Mental construction is about you
Sensual desire is about you
Few is left
For the rest
I love you
conceptually
physically
inside out
upside down
Realm of senses
Realm of mind
You possess me
Realm of fear
Sometimes
The only abnormality is the incapacity to love (Anais Nin)
I did not ask you the exact date when you are back in our city. I know it should be in 72 hours or something like that. I refuse to know with which airline you fly. I refuse to know when you board, when you land. I refuse to follow your flight itinerary online.
The last time when I knew the exact date of your trip, I stopped the sleeping, the eating, the breathing. The living part of my life. At least a week before that. I was completely exhausted when you were here. Excitement, nervousness, fear, anxiety, joy, everything, I went through all kinds of sentiments.
So this time I promise to myself I will be reasonable. I just don’t want to know. I want to hear my heart beat, in a regular rhythm. I want to feel my breath, in a sustained rhythm. I want to calm the turbulence of my soul.
If I knew the exact date of your arrival, I would cover the airstrip with white roses. I would ask the swallows to fly back and welcome you. I would ask the sun to stay longer and warm up the earth for you.
I did not want to know the exact date of your arrival. My heart will replace the white roses, the swallows’ singing and the eternal sun. I welcome you back with only me. And that is more than enough.
Crazy crazy crazy
He is home soon
Time flies
Goodbye to light sleep at nights
Reading his words
Today I wrote to someone
“My heart is so well-kept for him”
Crazy crazy crazy
I had given out my laughs
Distributing my thoughts
Sharing my kindness
All these months
By the end of the day
It was all about him
Deep absence
Follows me everywhere
He is home soon
Relief or fear
Touch me tell me
It was not a dream
The idea he will be in the same continent
Crazy crazy crazy
I used to have a guardian angel
Who now wants to say goodbye
Flying toward other horizons
I used to have a guardian angel
Who has wings and heart
Who now grows up
We spent time apart
But it did not matter
Guardian angels watching over us from the sky
Mine thinks I don’t need protection
He is right
I don’t need protection
I used to have a guardian angel
Who is more than protection
Who has given me wings and heart
To fly on my own
The smell of candles – wild autumnal flowers perfume – makes me think of you tonight. What I remember most is your perfume, how your skin smells. When you enter the room. The moment you open the door in the morning, there is this smell. The good and sweet smell of something fresh and clean. Something new. Yes, when you arrive in the morning, you are the first breeze of the winter, of the summer.
I was not in love with you at that time. Though I remember you could numb me. By moments. I could feel dizzy being close to you sometimes. Before I fell in love, I fell in love with your smell, your patience and your tolerance. Not once I had to justify myself in front of you. And little by little I just realized that it was all thanks to you. And about you. Your perfume, the way you let people live, the way you let me live. The moment I had to almost hide myself, you were the one to tell me to get out of my hidden place. And I love you for that. I love you for letting me be myself, be “ME”. It was such a relief to be with you at that time. I love our friendship before I love you.
You are probably the person with whom I can be absolutely sincere and honest and naked. You can read me. My mind.
I don’t know what I can expect more than that. From you. There is nothing more to expect.
I see my love as a miracle. You are absent most of the times. But I could never forget that you were the first one to encourage me to be me. Even if you would never be here again, this marks me forever. By that time I left behind everything of a normal life and nobody understood my decision. But during our talks, you understood me. Maybe you pretended so to get to know me better, maybe you wanted to be my closest friend. I don’t care about your intentions. You gave me the first vision that a woman could be anything. Anything really.
When does my love begin? Certainly at that moment. Not in a kiss. Not under moonlight. Not with candlelights. But in something much more essential. You gave me the real instinct and desire of living my freedom, before the society.
I love you for that. The wonderful smell of yours and the unique taste of my freedom you once gave me.