Heart condition

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Heartbeats

Fast fast fast

How do I feel?

You are home

Heartbeats

Fast fast fast

My chest is exploding

How do I feel?

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Visiting your country

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Visiting your country

Without you

People were cold

They did not smile

Remind me of your smile

Our good times in your country

More sun than snow

Remind me of your warm heart

Different from everyone else

Visiting your country

Without you

Is realizing

Something is

Definitely missing

The kingdom of mine

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In the realm of senses

My body is yours

In the realm of passion

My mind is yours

You told me

Everything is a mental construction

Everything can work out

Everything is mental

I love you

With my mind

I love you

With my skin

What is left

Mental construction is about you

Sensual desire is about you

Few is left

For the rest

I love you

conceptually

physically

inside out

upside down

Realm of senses

Realm of mind

You possess me

Realm of fear

Sometimes

If I knew the exact date of your arrival

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The only abnormality is the incapacity to love (Anais Nin)

I did not ask you the exact date when you are back in our city. I know it should be in 72 hours or something like that. I refuse to know with which airline you fly. I refuse to know when you board, when you land. I refuse to follow your flight itinerary online.

The last time when I knew the exact date of your trip, I stopped the sleeping, the eating, the breathing. The living part of my life. At least a week before that. I was completely exhausted when you were here. Excitement, nervousness, fear, anxiety, joy, everything, I went through all kinds of sentiments.

So this time I promise to myself I will be reasonable. I just don’t want to know. I want to hear my heart beat, in a regular rhythm. I want to feel my breath, in a sustained rhythm. I want to calm the turbulence of my soul.

If I knew the exact date of your arrival, I would cover the airstrip with white roses. I would ask the swallows to fly back and welcome you. I would ask the sun to stay longer and warm up the earth for you.

I did not want to know the exact date of your arrival. My heart will replace the white roses, the swallows’ singing and the eternal sun. I welcome you back with only me. And that is more than enough.

Crazy crazy crazy

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Crazy crazy crazy

He is home soon

Time flies

Goodbye to light sleep at nights

Reading his words

Today I wrote to someone

“My heart is so well-kept for him”

Crazy crazy crazy

I had given out my laughs

Distributing my thoughts

Sharing my kindness

All these months

By the end of the day

It was all about him

Deep absence

Follows me everywhere

He is home soon

Relief or fear

Touch me tell me

It was not a dream

The idea he will be in the same continent

Crazy crazy crazy

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I used to have a guardian angel

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I used to have a guardian angel

Who now wants to say goodbye

Flying toward other horizons

I used to have a guardian angel

Who has wings and heart

Who now grows up

We spent time apart

But it did not matter

Guardian angels watching over us from the sky

Mine thinks I don’t need protection

He is right

I don’t need protection

I used to have a guardian angel

Who is more than protection

Who has given me wings and heart

To fly on my own

When does my love begin?

The smell of candles – wild autumnal flowers perfume – makes me think of you tonight. What I remember most is your perfume, how your skin smells. When you enter the room. The moment you open the door in the morning, there is this smell. The good and sweet smell of something fresh and clean. Something new. Yes, when you arrive in the morning, you are the first breeze of the winter, of the summer.

I was not in love with you at that time. Though I remember you could numb me. By moments. I could feel dizzy being close to you sometimes. Before I fell in love, I fell in love with your smell, your patience and your tolerance. Not once I had to justify myself in front of you. And little by little I just realized that it was all thanks to you. And about you. Your perfume, the way you let people live, the way you let me live. The moment I had to almost hide myself, you were the one to tell me to get out of my hidden place. And I love you for that. I love you for letting me be myself, be “ME”. It was such a relief to be with you at that time. I love our friendship before I love you.

You are probably the person with whom I can be absolutely sincere and honest and naked. You can read me. My mind.

I don’t know what I can expect more than that. From you. There is nothing more to expect.

I see my love as a miracle. You are absent most of the times. But I could never forget that you were the first one to encourage me to be me. Even if you would never be here again, this marks me forever. By that time I left behind everything of a normal life and nobody understood my decision. But during our talks, you understood me. Maybe you pretended so to get to know me better, maybe you wanted to be my closest friend. I don’t care about your intentions. You gave me the first vision that a woman could be anything. Anything really.

When does my love begin? Certainly at that moment. Not in a kiss. Not under moonlight. Not with candlelights. But in something much more essential. You gave me the real instinct and desire of living my freedom, before the society.

I love you for that. The wonderful smell of yours and the unique taste of my freedom you once gave me.