The last few days I was busy but in a positive way. It is always like this near Christmas time. Getting together with some friends whom I had not seen a lot lately. Last Saturday I went out for brunch at noon and only headed home around midnight as during the whole afternoon, I ran into some friends downtown. We ended up Christmas shopping, enjoying mulled wine, listening to kids singing Christmas carols, and also trying some make-ups. Totally unplanned journey but it was more than nice.
These last few days, I communicated a lot with MD, my sweetest friend aka my guardian angel. We tried to find a date to celebrate his birthday which is on the 24th of December. Also I received regularly mails from the man I loved. It is pure happiness in an easy way. His mails arrive telling me his daily life with smiles and jokes, with songs and movies he shares.
Also yesterday a very dear friend of mine from my hometown came in the city for work and we had lunch together. It felt so good to speak to him in French, my mother-tongue language. Gosh, I have missed it. Then another sweet friend asked me if she could come visit me the next weekend. Of course I said yes. In the evening I went to the opera in which a friend of mine sang. Again I ended up having a drink with my friend and some people in the choir and learning a bunch of things about opera singers.
I arrived home very late at night. I actually walked home and enjoyed the streets with no traffic. I realize that these last days I took life as it came. Spontaneously. I was pretty much contemplating life too. Things are easy when we let them come and flow. I realize that I had known a person whom I consider as a friend but who never gives me any access to his life in order to reach a certain level of trust and friendship. When everything goes easily with other people, I just realize that this person finally had resisted me all the way long and whatever I had tried to do to reach out for him and to give substance to our relationship, it seems like throwing salt in the sea. With him, I was facing a big wall. This is the only person with whom I feel like I am not trusted and I am not liked. When I look at all my other friendships, I realize that I could probably do nothing about this new person/friend.. I cannot force the access. I just have to accept or let it go. But I also realize that there is nothing better than time to know someone. It is not possible to compare a two-month friendship to a 20-year friendship with my best friend or with MD or with the man I love. I know them so well because I had shared and lived so many things with them. Time is precious to friendship.
Anyway I like this period of time around Christmas. I like connecting with old friends again. And taking life easily with lights, Christmas carols, mulled wine and laughs. And letting go people who don’t trust me or don’t want me in their lives. Holding no grudge. Wishing them well anyway.