I have a sweet girlfriend who was torturing herself the last few days, trying to find out whether she would text a colleague to ask him out, as he had written to her several mails and texts. She asked me almost every day what she should do and if she writes to him, how the tone of the text message would be and in which frequency she should answer to him, etc and etc. She indeed asked herself a lot of questions as relating to the “behaviors and rules” in dating.
I am no expert in dating. And I usually don’t write about dating advices or hints on this blog because I only want to write about love in an absolute form, rather than about dating, which is more “down to earth” and more “tactical” to me. But as my friend asks questions, and a lot, it makes me think.
Yes, I think I do have a rule in dating. HONESTY. Yes, to be honest and to be yourself. In the “cruel” world of dating. My rule is the NO-RULE. I answered to my friend: “If you want to write to him just do it. If you want to text him right away after his texts, just do it. In the evening, if you feel like writing him a mail, just to do it.” You cannot go wrong if you always do things in complete agreement with yourself. Because in the end, all you ever did is to really act as you has felt, with no games and with honesty. Because in the end, all people could feel in you, in your texts, in your mails is your honesty. I told her not to think too much, not to torture herself with some strategies. The truth is always the best way to get closer to someone and it also gives the other person the possibility either to come closer to you or to reject you. The sooner you know it, the better.
I remember I met a man who now is a very good friend of mine. We had a thing going on for a while. And at the time, he said something that I really liked: “Truth is great because even if it can hurt sometimes. When someone tells you the truth, he does a favor to you. Knowing is the best thing it can happen to you.” He also told me something that I liked even more: “If you want to write to me every day and several times, just do it. If you miss my mails, just tell me. If you want me more, just tell me so. Don’t worry about how I would feel. Believe me, I can handle. If I don’t want any of them, I will tell you the truth too. Just be yourself all the way long. You will never be disappointed with yourself when you are honest. Don’t worry about me and how I would react when receiving your words. Don’t build assumptions based on your own thoughts and analyses“
Since then I was even more honest. I never regret any of my words or acts. I did everything with sincerily and selflessly. The best thing about it is I have gotten to know the best people, people who are like me and who can handle my words, my mails, my intentions, without being scared.
My girlfriend finally wrote to her colleague to invite him out for a movie. She said she appreciated him. She was really sincere. He stayed silence for a while and then answered to her that he only wanted to flirt with her and had no intentions to go for a movie with her, and he had a hard time to decide whether he wants a woman in his life or not.
She was disappointed for a few days but glad that finally she knew. It saved her time and energy. Her being honest was contagious. Her colleague became honest too. And that is such a good thing in the “cruel” world of dating.
Last night I flew from Atlanta to my city. The flight for once was empty. One day before the last day of the year, people stayed still and traveled less? But during the night we went through some tough turbulence. Somewhere above ocean or land. I did not even know. Probably the ocean.
