It is always here


No matter how far I travel

No matter how many strangers I have  met

This is here my home

It is always here

As it is always you

The beauty elsewhere

The excitement elsewhere

The novelty elsewhere

My distraction could be a second even a minute

It is always here

And it is always you

In the end


The challenge of Tulum

“I’m the kind of person who likes to be by himself. To put a finer point on it, I’m the type of person who doesn’t find it painful to be alone. I find spending an hour or two every day running alone, not speaking to anyone, as well as four or five hours alone at my desk, to be neither difficult nor boring. I’ve had this tendency ever since I was young, when, given a choice, I much preferred reading books on my own or concentrating on listening to music over being with someone else. I could always think of things to do by myself.” (What I talk about when I talk about running – Haruki Murakami)

I travel alone a lot. The last few days I was checking for a destination at Christmas. I finally chose Tulum in Mexico. Pictures of one of my friends had made me dream. I had never seen such beautiful pictures of beaches and palm trees. I was hypnotized by the colors of the island. I said to myself. This must be the place to relax, think, write and read. My aim is also to go for a yoga retreat. I imagine myself practicing yoga every morning in front of the ocean. Unlimited view and free spirit. But when I checked the websites of the hotels. Every single one has a “wedding” section. This place like a paradise is for honeymoons. Pictures of roses and couples in white running to the ocean, pictures of candle lights and delicious dishes and tables set for two, all on the websites.

First I said: “Damn”. Then I imagine myself in the paradise decor with couples around me, newly weds. Every morning at breakfast. Every night at dinner. This is definitely something to think over before booking the ticket. Not the bugs, not the mosquitos, not the poor Internet connection on the island. The couples everywhere on the island is to be considered. Will I be ok and not frustrated? I think I will be fine. Being surrounded by couples still in love never depresses me. Instead it will give me joy and belief in something I completely lost faith. If I feel their harmony I will like it. If at breakfast they already don’t have anything to say to each other, if they look unhappy, if their faces are sad with no smiles, then I will feel relieved being alone and by myself. Either way I am good.

I am the kind of person who can easily be alone and not be sad, because I never feel pity for myself.

Of course I could also choose a destination where family and friends can welcome me. Vietnam, Thailand would be an easy choice. But traveling alone has its own delicious and particular taste and it always seems more tempting to me.

And then, it seems like these beautiful pictures dance in front of my eyes and whisper: “Come, come, come!”.

Tulum seems waiting for me already. And I am ready for Tulum too.

Vacations 2

In two days

I will head south

I will run to the ocean

I will let the sun caress

My face and body

I will play with the sand

I will let the water soften

My skin and pain

Vacations for me are illusion

A false pretense

Of well-being and peace

Because I know so well

There is no vacations known

For my mind when it comes to you

No matter how much sweetness and good treats

Of sun, sand or sea salt I would indulge to myself

Vacations 1

In two days

I will be by the sea

I like vacations by the sea

In high season

I don’t mind the crowd

The noise by the beach

I don’t need

Silence and desert

To think of you

I can easily extract myself

From the hectic world

To think of you

I just need a vast blue sky

And my full usual heart

Missing you tonight

“And you’re not lonely?”
“I’m used to it. I’ve had practice” (Pinball – Haruki Murakami)

I miss you tonight

I miss your cigarette that I don’t smoke

I miss your wine that I don’t drink

I miss your city where I don’t live

I miss your vacations whose destination I am not aware of

I miss your life of which I am not part

I miss you so much

You and all the things we don’t share.

Motorcycle riding in Paris reinvented

Once again, she asked me what I meant. And again, my heart was in my words, but the explanation made no sense. Typical me. (Dance Dance Dance – Haruki Murakami)

I come to Paris. I am in your suburb. I am in front of your home. We go for a motorcycle ride. I lean against you. I put my arms tightly around your body. At each risky turn, I lean even more against you. My arms cannot get off your body. I am not scared of the speed. I just pretend I am so I can get closer to you from behind.

We see Paris by night. It is fun and romantic. We are lovers. I don’t think of anyone else. I don’t wish for more. I live the present time. We pass by the Eiffel Tower on the hour. It is illuminated for a few minutes. For the city and for us. I embrace Paris. I embrace you.

On your motorcycle, I feel like a feather. We have no past but only present. I never have to forget you. You are not part of my history. I have nothing to worry about.

On your motorcycle, there is nobody else on my mind. I am free to enjoy the ride with you.

I am just 72 hours late on the present time. It was last week. On that motorcycle, I was not who I am today.