Discovering every inch and corner of the city
Art water sky sun
And some sleeping beauties
While you are not here
I take a walk
I distance myself
I protect myself
Not from you
But from me
Winter in me prolongs
Spring in me slows to come
Summer in me is mystery
Your smile cannot get the snow to melt
I look at you and ask myself:
“Do you love him that much?”
I guess the answer is still yes
But why then winter never ends
Do I love you that much?
To not fear winter
To live in no season
In timeless longings
Will you be there to mend
The fragile non-existing spring of my heart?
In the USA, there is Thanksgiving tonight. A tradition with no great importance over here in Europe. But I can feel the emotions and the family touch this evening. On Facebook, my friends put on their status: “Happy Thanksgiving to all.” It sounds familiar to me. I feel close to them.
In my city, downtown this evening was over-crowded. There was a parade celebrating the Christmas lightening. Shops were opened till late, shop owners offered warm mulled wine mixed with cinnamon and ginger. The lights were on, everywhere and the magic was there. I don’t specially like Christmas time but I had to admit, Christmas lights just like fireworks, it is impossible not to like and not to find them beautiful. For a second, I just happened to be a kid again, all excited with the colors of the lights and the smell of cinnamon coming from the wreathes made of dried flowers and fruits.
In other places it is still warm with sunshine all year long. Where you are precisely it is now summer with sandy beaches. Christmas will be in a different atmosphere where you are probably. I saw the video you had sent to me earlier on your Jiu Jitsu club. It was not long and I recognized you in the video. Just for one or two seconds. Not more than that. I imagined easily the place where you are right now. I envy the warmth, the sunshine which can reach your skin. I envy your sparring partners, I envy your teachers, those who can hear you laugh everyday. But I don’t lose hope, I guess soon it is gonna be my turn too. To hear you laugh. Even if it would probably not be in a place with summer time and sun. It would still be paradise.
Tonight it feels like Christmas is approaching.
From here, from there. From here I am. From there where you are.
Tonight I miss you. In peace.
Waking up in Berlin. I am exhausted from last night. Hardly slept. I can see from the window a piece of blue sky. They say that it is never good weather in Berlin. This weekend was perfect. I think of you as soon as I open my eyes. I think I miss you. I don’t know. Maybe I miss you a bit. Or maybe my brain was too lazy to think of something else so I think of you. As usual.
I open the window to get some fresh air. Where you are right now I think it is still summer. It is always summer where you are. Feel like caressing your neck and say hello to you. I had learned a nice sentence in German this weekend and it fits me perfectly. “Ich bin verwirrt”, I am confused. Do I miss you or do I not miss you? Do I still love you or not?
Where you are right now does someone hold your hands, look at you, listen to you, talk to you and laugh with you? Are people nice to you? Have you made any progress in what you wanted to learn?
Here everybody is nice to me. Half an hour after landing, in the cab, the driver (half Greek – of course) asked me to marry him. He said that I looked like I needed a man like him. But then he said that I looked like I was too independent. He offered me the ride. Nice gesture.
Everybody here treats me well. I talk to people. I see new things. It happens that I laugh too. Somehow I think less and less of you, day after day. But I think deep down I still miss you. Not thinking of you as I used to do does not mean you are forgotten. You are just not present in my mind like you used to be. The effect of time I think. Also a question of survival.
Some kids play outside, screaming and the sky is really blue with a white line crossing it. I see your name in the sky. I see your smile when I close my eyes again.
Time floats in my room. The exhaustion of yesterday night is a blessing. I will stay in bed a little bit more to be sure that I still miss you.
Feel like caressing your neck again. Waking up in Berlin is about you all over again. Maybe that is why I like this city and always want to come back here.