The emotional nudity

When it comes to love, it seems to be all about balance. We can think, talk, analyse, elaborate hypotheses, assert, confirm, refute, the sentiment of love is the most complex one. Sometimes we think we get it, finally we understand it, then suddenly everything is obscure again. It seems like all the efforts we put into analysing and understanding the feeling of love are vain. Then we step back and think. Again, yes, again.

Can a miracle happen ? Could love be rational ? Is it all about balance ? Could the brain takes back the control ? One moment we think we are crazy and the love we feel for someone is totally out of control. The heart beats in an excessive speed. The pain unbearable. The absence kills. The silence tortures. We feel like we are drowning. We do not eat properly for days during the first days when we realise that we are falling in love. We do not sleep properly. We do not function properly.

But then there is a moment when we look at ourselves in the mirror, in an old pyjama with no make up, we say: “what the f..k is going on here?”. We realise that there is something a bit ridiculous about this whole situation of “being in love”. Why not eating? Why not sleeping? Why dreaming all the time? Why staying all day in pyjama?

That moment when we realise that the emotional nudity we are going through the last days, weeks must come to an end. Yes, we have been undressed ourselves the moment we fall in love, we have been showing ourselves naked. We reveal our weakness, we confess our needs, we admit our wants. We reveal we have lost our independence, we admit we have been vulnerable. We confess that we have cried, that we could not sleep. We said we have lost even the capacity of seduction as we have doubted so much about ourselves. But funny enough, it is exactly at the same moment that we feel stronger and invincible again. But we need to hit the bottom to climb up again. There is something very strange about the emotional nudity, you become so weak that you have to become strong again. You have become so unarmed that you have to arm yourself again with dignity to keep on loving.

It is about balance not about to stop loving. It is like when an alcoholic, after a tragic accident, realises that he should stop drinking. But here, you do not stop loving. The emotional nudity is a tragic accident in the course of love but it is necessary because it forces us to overcome. Because there is no love if we cannot be vulnerable. The whole exercise however is about how and when the balance needs to interrupt the emotional nudity. Too soon would be an abortion of the experiment of falling in love. Too late would turn the feeling of love into an ocean of suffering.

What to say? Think carefully before falling in love or falling in love first then managing the rest?

Who has a simple answer?

To what extent one should fight for love?

At first glance, a logical answer: when it’s WORTH it (a friend once told me this).

How do we know if it’s worth it ?

But if we don’t try to fight, how can we know what is worth fighting for?

What is worth then?

The person? The relationship? The moments together? The connection?

To what extent one can trust his instincts or his reasonings to evaluate such essential problematic?

When one could deliver the verdict: HE/SHE IS THE ONE?

Could one ever reach that certainty? And thanks to what?

Evidence, tangible proofs? Acts? Words? Neither of them?

Or could one be blindly stubborn and hold on to a meaningless love and never open his eyes and wake up?

How could one know?

By detecting some real signs: intense deep looks, unverbalized emotions through touches, scents, skins, moments of intense connection, magical sharing?

How could one know it is all true and not all pretending?

When it comes to love, one asks a thousands of questions and nothing is obvious, there is no obvious answers. It should be easy but then it’s not.

For how long should one stay and reflect, and wait? When is it time to stop asking questions? Either go for it or stop?

The real question might be: “To what extent do we agree to suffer?”.

We answer this question: we are willing to take the risk of suffering,

If the person is WORTH it.

Back to square one of the reflection.