Why always him?

Why always him?

Because I anticipate his thoughts

I anticipate his actions

I anticipate his boredom

I anticipate his enthusiasm

I anticipate his feelings

I anticipate his pain

I see him in the dark

I hear him in silence

I read him without words

Why always him?

Because it is easy

Even with no hints

Because he is me

From the very beginning

Because he gives the word “soulmate”

The deepest sense ever.

It is over

It is over

You go East

I go West

You look down

I look up

You smile

I cry

You want nothing

I want everything

The silly thing is

You and me

We were so alike

We had everything in common

I could not convince you of that

So you head North

And I go South

You still want nothing

And I still want everything

It is over

For two people who were so meant for each other

What a shame!

Define: you are meant for me

The question of knowing when and why the other person is meant for you is a difficult one. Maybe the easier way to answer it is to see the problem another way around. The moment you know that he/she is NOT meant for you.

If I look back on the past and have to analyze these moments, I would say that the other person is not meant for me when I cannot see the future with him. Even if this future could be something not necessarily serious. It is not about excitement or because you are scared of the routine you might get to live with this person. In a second, you project yourself into a life with him and you see yourself not growing but instead perishing. It has nothing to do with the person. He can offer you sky and stars. He can promise you a nice and quiet life. He can give you everything and a lot. You just know you cannot take it and cope with it. It is not about his personality either. He could be nice and perfect. You cannot blame him for anything. It is just the moment when you see the display of life, and activities involving this person, you just cannot pursue with it.

This happened to me several times in the past and always in an idyllic décor. It could be on vacations by the swimming pool of a nice hotel. I saw myself in the same décor for ten more years. It was not possible. It also happened quite often on Sunday mornings during breakfast time, usually with nice views somewhere on the mountains. I think the more beautiful the landscape is at that moment, the more accurate your feelings will be. You know for sure you cannot continue with the relationship and it has nothing to do with not being comfortable with the person. Actually, you are most of the time very comfortable when this feeling happens. When the other person reads a newspaper, plays Sudoku or just pours another cup of coffee. It is not about boredom, believe me. It is not because you want to have new sensations and adventures. It is just because you do not want any of these moments for ten more years. It is  impossible for you. And you just know it. Sometimes it has to do with love, not always. You can love the person at that moment and still know he is not meant for you and no future would be possible. This certainty can happen when you are still in love.

To get back to the question of how we know that the other person is meant for us. When you can see yourself in any décor with him. Even if he has nothing to offer to you. But you don’t need him to offer you or promise to you anything. Even if you are going to spend your whole life with him in a small studio  anywhere. The city where you decide to be with him would not matter. You are never frightened with the vision of life spending with him, doing nothing special and fantastic. There will be nothing exciting but it will be enough. You can picture yourself in that décor and for a long time. Nothing else will matter. When this feeling happens to you, you know he is meant for you.

That is my answer to the question. The debate is open.

Sometimes having one is enough

The only person who has a spare key to my apartment is M.D, my young friend. I introduced him to you a few days ago in a post “Matt Damon – a coffee with a star”. Here I am, writing about him again.

It has been raining for 48 hours, non-stop. My day ends. My mind is wondering around. When I watch the rain, all kinds of thoughts come to me. I think of how hard it is to make friends in this city. And when I think of friendship, I think of M.D. Especially because I haven’t seen him for a while.

He lives with a roommate in a very small flat. Last year I was away for two weeks. I told him to feel free to come by and play piano when I was not there. That was why I gave him my keys in the first place.

The last time I saw him was two months ago. He has gotten exams all year long. Seeing each other on a regular basis is not easy. That day I came back from work and when trying to pick up something on the floor, I somehow made a wrong move and blocked my back. I usually have some painkillers for that as it happens to me once in a while, this back pain. Not that day. I could not move and had no medicine left. But I had a prescription. I decided to call M.D. Who else could come, pick up the prescription and go to the pharmacy?

So, I called him. He came, picked up the prescription and went to the pharmacy. He did exactly what he was told to do. From the drugstore, he called me and asked: “Are you sure you don’t need anything else?” – “No, sure, just the pills please.”

He came back with what I needed. And a bonus: a Mc Flurry topping with M&Ms, a dessert from one kid to another.

He put me in bed. He smiled at me, quoted Gandhi – “Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.”, then closed the door and left.

Having him as a friend is a blessing. Keeping him is my job.