The dynamic of three

The dynamic of three is no good. The dynamic of three never works when it comes to travels. As a fervent supporter of traveling alone, I accepted last week the risk to travel with two friends. It was not a bad experience but clearly, three was not a good number. When two persons do not agree on a plan, one of them usually seeks out for support from the third one. This always put the third person in a delicate situation because if he decides to support one of the friends, he diplomatically puts himself in an even less comfortable situation with the one whom he did not support. The dilemma first seems to be insignificant but after two or three days, it becomes deeper. We could not avoid the same dilemma last week.

Personally I cannot say that I was closer to one of them. They are both “equal” friends to me. But I do have more similar tastes with one and it then became easier to get along with him during the trip. Suddenly I realized that our dynamic had changed the moment we were three to decide and even for the simplest thing: to be together 24/24. The other friend usually cool and easygoing started to say “no” to whatever we suggested. I think he felt he was left out even though we never did anything intentionally in that direction. It seemed like he just wanted to say “no” to score some points and to show us he could also say “no”. It became little by little annoying when he always played this game, even for insignificant details such as saying no systematically to everything, places where we could have coffee, whether we should walk or take a cab. Everything was subject to a long argumentation. When the three of us were together, he always argued in the opposite direction with exactly the opposite reasoning no matter right or wrong he could be. When we had a chance to be only two by two, the relationship became normal again. Once I had an early breakfast with the “difficult” one, alone with him, while waiting for the other friend, it worked perfectly. He were calm. We had a “normal” conversation. As soon as the third friend appeared at the cafĂ©, the verbal fighting started all over again over stupid things.

It was my first time traveling with two friends. We should definitely have another forth friend for the next time. So either there will be a clear and large majority (three against one) or we could split into two and two to do things, visit and travel around.

I did not regret having done this trip. Not at all because it was still nice to be with friends. It was just sometimes very energy and time-consuming to fight over a cup of coffee on vacations. If I listen to myself again, I probably would always travel alone. I have done it so many times and I really love traveling alone. But it is also good for me to know how to share and tolerate differences when traveling with people. Finally in each experience, you learn something from yourself, for yourself and from the others. Which is the blessing of life.

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