What is she thinking ?
A dry cold
Not a soul
Not a sound
Some boats passing by under the fog
My hands were almost frozen
Sometimes I heard in my head the song
You’d sent me in the morning
Most of the times it was me and the silence
The sky was so grey and heavy
If I could catch a ray of sun
I would wrap it in my frozen hands
And sent it to you in a postal letter
In an old way with envelop and stamp
I would like to bring you the flowers of spring
All I could see is white ice
Asking me to offer to you anyway
I would heat up the earth
To have you here and warm
Have you ever seen deep blue sky with thunders?
Have you ever seen a rainbow before the rain?
Have you ever felt the summer heat before spring?
Have you ever seen tropical parrots in a winter park?
Have you ever seen snow flakes in summer?
Have you ever seen fishes singing, cats flying, dogs smiling?
I am in a dream?
I am on stage?
I am in the Jurassik Park?
I am in the Hollywood Studio?
Anything is possible
The universe at my feet
I see him tonight
I have been coward
I was scared to death
I thought twice then three times then four times
I reasoned my emotions
I repressed my feelings
I did not see him yesterday
Fear – nonsense fear
Fear over love
I have dreamt for months of touching his face
I have dreamt for days of hearing his voice
Hearing his stories
And worst of all
The fear was so powerful
I even had no regrets
Loving him is simple and beautiful
Yesterday the fear took it all
Accursed fear stronger than my love
In one second loving him has become complicated
Bathing in hopeless fear
Good morning my friends, followers and bloggers,
I am with Norah Jones “I’ve got to see you again” and my first coffee. I am happy to say “good morning” to you. I have something to share.
I am the worst strategist in dating. But oh hell the best “LOVER” – lover as the one who knows how to love. How to love, yes, just that. I am happy, so happy that I have to share with you this morning.
HE is back. He is everything. He is abstract, he is concrete. He is everything I cannot have. He is everything of my dream. He is everything that I don’t want. He is everything that I don’t need. He is the universe, inside my head, inside my heart. Well, you get it. HE IS EVERYTHING. And yes, you get it too. HE IS BACK.
He announced to me that he is here. Let’s forget my sleepless nights since that moment. The idea he is in the same city after all that time. Science fiction for me. Walking on the moon is easier to imagine. Becoming President of the United States is easier to imagine. I don’t even know how I’d survived the last three days.
He is here. How do I do? For months I have heard: “He is so sure about you. He is so sure that you have been waiting. He is so sure that you love him.”. Then now I hear: “If you ask him to see you, he will answer to what you suggest and never need to suggest anything.”. To that, here are my answers. “I love him and if he knows about that and is still there, that means that is ok for both of us”. “Why should I play hard to get? He already GOT me, mind and soul, heart and body”. “I have no game to play, nothing to hide.”
However I just wonder how I could ask him to see me, after all these months absent from home. I guess he is pretty busy. I always know that the “US” is fun, trust, confidence and FRIENDSHIP above all, above love. I feel ME when I am with him. And I don’t see myself being in silence because he said he is home and I will stay in silence, waiting for him to suggest a meeting. And all of this considering I will be away for work the whole month of March.
I wanted to say something in the spirit of the “US”, cool fun and trust. I wanted to welcome him home with my style. I wanted him to know that I care, that I am happy he is home. My last email to him before he landed was all about my work and advices I needed from him, with an ending “with kind regards” as a joke (because mostly I spent time at work writing formal letters to the government and agencies). When he announced to me he was back home, he asked me about the “kind regards” greetings which, he thought, were a bit formal.
As we used to work in the past on questionnaires, surveys, we have joked quite a lot about how we designed and formulated questions. Yesterday I decided to welcome him home with a survey.
1) do you have jet lag? yes – no
2) are you tanned? yes- no
3) are you still handsome ? yes – no
4) you said you are too cold because it’s freezing outside, what would you do to get warmer?
– i would put on warmer clothes
– i would put the heating on maximum level
– i would come to see L. (L = me) to get warmth in her arms
– i would do nothing to change the situation
5) you have learned that L. will be away for 3 weeks, what would you do?
– i would see her this weekend if i am not too busy
– i would see her next week, easy easy !
– i would see her in april, easy easy !
– i would do nothing
– i have headache already !
That was it, the questionnaire, then I ended it with: “Welcome back mi amor !!! (is this still too formal for you ???)
It was me, the questionnaire was me….This is my style…I cannot hide, I don’t want to hide my feelings, I have nothing to hide.
He answered me right away with smileys and smileys and asked for the dates of my trips.
I informed him all the dates, when I am busy and when I am available, stating that my priority is still him.
He asked me to see him tomorrow.
That was the story of me being the worst strategist in dating, in love.
I only know how to be true, to be sincere. When I have something to say, I say it. I don’t try to make myself unavailable, I don’t hide my schedule to be interesting. I am just ME in front of HIM, in spite of all the “you are not a challenge for him, and it’s so easy.”
Who cares anyway if I am not a challenge to the man I love. Because I am not. Why do I need to be a difficult woman to him.
I think I just want to be sincere and generous when I love.
But ok, it makes me the worst strategist in dating. I don’t know how to wait. I don’t know how to play games. I am no good in giving advices in dating, because I am really bad with strategies.
Well, now I have to leave you here. Tomorrow I still need to be beautiful 😉
I used to have a guardian angel
Who now wants to say goodbye
Flying toward other horizons
I used to have a guardian angel
Who has wings and heart
Who now grows up
We spent time apart
But it did not matter
Guardian angels watching over us from the sky
Mine thinks I don’t need protection
He is right
I don’t need protection
I used to have a guardian angel
Who is more than protection
Who has given me wings and heart
To fly on my own
For me things happen in this order only.
Unless I free myself from my illusions, I cannot be peaceful.
If I am not peaceful, my happiness cannot be stable.
If I am not happy, my mind will keep running after the objects that I believe will give me happiness.
You are my unconditional love.
You are not the key to my happiness.
I sacrifice us together.
For us to be happy
There will be no us
And it is the ultimate love