Possibilities

She wakes up this morning knowing she will be happy. There is a space inside of her and beyond her where an infinity of possibilities just dancing in front of her eyes.

There was that moment when she left him the other day in the morning. That precise moment very short, very furtive when she knew. What she knew, what she felt was common to her a long time ago, the time when she was in love. When she left his apartment, when they kissed goodbye, when he held her in his arms, she knew that love has hit her. Gently, softly but very clearly. And that was just it. Like an evidence. Not a surprise. She did not think of what could happen after that feeling. Would it work out between them ? Would they be available for each other ? Would he love her back ? These questions were not relevant as the present moment, the moment of this new-born love, was more important. She was honest to herself. She accepted to be in love. With him and with them and with their story. In this space where they are and where they were, anything can be possible. They are who they are, and they can be no one, and anything could happen to them, as long as there is this connection and intimacy. Because to be anything else, first there should be a connection.

Even knowing that she could get hurt or she could suffer, the suffering is still part of this infinity of possibilities. They have found each other. Somehow, somewhere in their lost souls and extreme loneliness, they have met and they have made space for each other. Short moments, long moments, intense moments they gave to each other. The kisses. The talks. The gazes. The naked bodies. What they offered to each other was never insignificant. Their lives so apart and yet so close, close in the search for another soulmate, or simply for a beautiful connection.

She wakes up this morning, accepting that kind of destiny. The kind of destiny that includes the love for him or the beginning of the love for him. Her heart is full. That is how she starts her day. In a space of infinite possibilities and he is one of them.

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Since you entered my life

You entered my life the third week of August. I will keep the exact day to myself.

The first time I wrote about you on my blog was a Sunday. I will keep the exact date to myself.

Since then my writings are less about pain but more about music, freedom, and blue skies. You have become my inspiration. It was just something natural. I don’t ask myself why. I was inspired by our story, if I could call it “a story”. Or something on which we don’t need to put a name.

Since you entered my life, the sky above me seemed always blue, my laughters sounded like music notes. I smiled easily. Bad mood was banned.

It was a nice feeling everyday since.

I just wonder if you stayed for a while, what would happen to me? Would I own a forever blue sky? Would my laughs sound eternally like rivers of music and birdsongs? Would I become the nicest person on earth walking around with dazzling eyes and generous radiant smiles?

Would that be weird or too much or would it be just a very nice feeling?

Fiction or reality?

My friends keep on asking me about the part of fiction and reality written in my blog. Is it all fiction or all reality or half and half. Do I love that much? Do I suffer that much? Am I that sad? My friends ask me a lot: “Who is the HE in the blog?” or “Who is who?”.

How can I answer? I am not sure I want to reveal what is fictional and what is real in the blog. You can imagine whatever you think is right and suitable for you and your moods the moment you read the post. What is certain is I am sincere and so are my words. Now, if I love that much, if I suffer that much, if I am that sad, sometimes yes, sometimes no. I still have to live, to work, to eat, to drink, outside of my blog. Sometimes I am sadder than my words and sometimes I am a bit less. I also know that I think much more about different things in my life than all these feelings of love expressed in my blog. But this blog is dedicated to love and all the complicated situations one can meet when in love. So of course, you will read a lot about love.

If I want to give a reasonable answer, I could say, a bit of everything happens in my life right now is in the blog. The love for the loved one (s) is always true. And that is all that matters. I share to you a bit and a lot of me with pleasure and honesty. The loved ones can recognize themselves in the blog or not if they ever come to read the posts once or twice. For me, it is more about the people who read my blog all over the world and whom I don’t know personally. It is much more important to me if you, my readers enjoy the blog. I have no intention of sending any particular messages to anyone who might recognize themselves being described in the blog. They are all my inspiration and of course I have loved them for having inspired me. But that was all. I don’t aim anything particular in this blog except for the pleasure of writing and sharing to readers some feelings about love, happiness or sadness.

For those who care about me like my family or my mother, I want to tell them not to worry that much, I am fine. Maybe sad sometimes but totally fine. Because I have come to accept that I cannot have everything and sadness is part of life. For those who do not care and who might think that the blog is about them, God forbid they should not become arrogant and self-sufficient, fiction is a great part of imagination and creativity of a writer.

I hope I had answered the question about fiction and reality.

To the readers, thanks for reading and following me.

For the lovers, ex-lovers, friends and people who inspire me in this blog, thanks for being someone who has once counted in my life.

This love’d better last

Sometimes I am scared that when I stop loving him, I will have nothing left to say on my blog.

Don’t you notice that he is my inspiration?

Don’t you notice that I created this blog to channelize my feelings, my love for him somewhere nobody could be disturbed, except you, dear readers who may stop by and read these lines?

In Sex and the City, there was Mr Big, Carrie’s life-time love. Here, you have Mr. Blog, my tormented, yet so particular love.

Usually I don’t share the one I love. This one time makes an exception. How can I keep him all for myself ? You have been with me for three weeks now and you have witnessed all of my states of mind and feelings for Mr. Blog and you are still here. For that, I am very grateful. Have you ever asked yourself: “Gosh, what does this guy look like? How come she can write about him almost everyday ? What kind of guy affects people in that freaking way? Does he really exist? Is this love fictional? Or is it real? “.

When I gave the link to my blog to my closest friends. The reactions were mixed. Those who know about his existence told me never to give him the link because once he read it, he would probably become too confident and cocky. They added that men need the chasing sensation; he needs to think that he will have to chase me to get me and that nothing is ever sure. A love like this could only give me prejudice and harm me in the long run. Other friends who did not have a clue about his existence asked me whether he really exists and if yes who is he.

It’s 2 am in the morning and here I am, writing about him. Damn, please join me in my fear: the day I stop loving him, what else could bring us together, I will be so poor, what else can I share to you?

But I will not let you down. I will try to make my love last.