Your eyes are mystery
In half words
In half smiles
I wish I could understand you more
Before we said goodbye
We suspended time
We froze time
For another time
In your eyes
In colors
In black or white
What is the color of your soul?
Your eyes are imagination
Enough to drive me crazy
What is she thinking ?
“Memory is like fiction; or else it’s fiction that’s like memory.” (The Elephant Vanishes – Haruki Murakami)
When I leave the office late at night, I usually think of you on my way home. I have a thousand of moments with you at the office. People say that falling in love is like something which grabs you suddenly, something out of your control. With you I don’t know what that means. Loving you is not sudden. Loving you was not love at first sight. Falling in love with you was slow, so slow I did not even remember when and how. I had never thought of you differently as a colleague. I did remember we used to stay very late in the office to talk about life. Yes, we talked a lot about life and the world around us.
The last three days, I worked late. When it is dark outside, it reminds me exactly the moments we were together, talking. The building was by then empty, the cleaning ladies were there. I had a boyfriend at that time. He had never understood why I could stay so late in the office talking to you. He always thought that I was attracted to you. I had never had any thought about that. I just liked to be with you, late in the evening, in the office. I could never explain it to my boyfriend. He would never believe me. But it was not important. I just loved to be your friend, late in the evening. I had never felt the need to justify myself and this precious pleasure to anybody else.
Now sometimes I close my eyes during the day, just for a short while, I can still see you in front of me. Your desk is there. I did move it to the corner. But I can still see you sitting there. To access some databases, I still need to put on your name and password. You were the one who took care of these things. The other day I was cleaning up my desk and some files. Some notes falling out of a notebook, us writing to each other, nothing fancy, just work-related. But it gave me goosebumps, a quick warm and cold sensation in my back.
Memories seem recent. Memories seem fresh. It was like yesterday. Things are still so present. The past is more present than the present itself. Memories are not even memories. How could they be memories? I could feel them like my fingers could feel my hot cup of tea, like my tongue could feel the boiling tea.
I took my time to fall in love with you. I took my time to love you. There has never been any emergency. Nothing in me will ever turn into memories with you. Nothing was sudden. Nothing was impalpable. Being there with you was part of life. Loving you is part of living life, slowly and carefully. Because it is just me being. Like the chairs, the desks, the computers. Just being.
People come and go
You come and go
I don’t come and go
When I love and care
How come?
Desires desires desires
Butterflies in the sky
Wish to lightly touch your skin
With their fragile wings
Your beautiful hands
Your svelte body
The perfect shape of each of your muscles
Your colorful tattoos
Desires desires desires
Daffodils on the grass
Waving at you
A ladybird from a leaf
Falling into your warm palm
Posing peacefully with no intention to leave
The sun in your eyes
Enlightening your perfect features
Early September breeze
Everything is still
Fixed position
Not a move
Who can leave you ?
Part of this flawless scenery
I let the universe and each of its tiny creatures befriend with you, your eyes, your hands
I keep however for myself your lips
The same light breeze
Together with my first endless deep kiss
Posing delicately on your exquisite lips
Cooling down my boiling desires for you
But just for a short while.
Exhaustion seems to decide to terminate me tonight
My forehead is burning
I feel febrile
Seems like a slight fever and cold eating into my body
My head hurts
Messy thoughts as usual
I feel goosebumps all over my skin
Lack of sleeps for days
Then finally your words arrive
Irregular heartbeats
I feel febrile
My body is warm
Is it fever or the effect of your words?
I feel joy
My body is warmer
I can’t distinguish fever from joy
In my delirious thoughts
I just know that I like your words
And the way they make me feel
I slowly fall asleep
With your words
Like a very smooth lullaby
Cooling the fever and heating up the joy
I can’t distinguish anything
I feel febrile
I just know that I like your words
Why do your words keep on dancing in my head?
They came late these nights and made me smile
I catch myself
Smiling in the streets
Smiling to people
People seem beautiful around me
Rain looks like sun
Cold air seems warm
Why do your words keep on singing in my head?
I am still smiling
People are beautiful
Rain is sun
Those witty words of yours
Could you please write them in the sky?
So rain would always be sun
Summer would last longer
Sorrows would never catch us
And I would be able to smile every day again.
You cannot sleep at night when you are in your hometown.
You like to run when it is dark outside
You don’t take life too seriously
You love rain and thunderstorm
You don’t mind the bad weather
You like neat gardens but also when green grass grow wildly under your feet
Kids think you are one of them
You take coffee late at night and would like to sip it with me somehow
Apparently you look forward to seeing me
These are information about you
It should be enough for the moment
The rest I will find out by myself
I think you are pretty cool
I laugh a lot when I read your mails
I like the right tone of them
When I am with other people I write mails to you
But I think when I am with you, I won’t write to anybody else
I like your playlists
I look forward to seeing you too
These are information about me
It should be enough for the moment
The rest you will have to find out by yourself
“I dream. Sometimes I think that’s the only right thing to do. ” (Sputnik Sweetheart – Haruki Murakami)
I like to stare at the ceiling. Thinking of nothing
Waiting for nothing
Or something that could happen to me. Anything
Any sign from the white blank ceiling
An tiny insect flying towards me
I blink for a second
Then again nothing
These moments belong to me. Impenetrable my mind
The only moments when I leave you aside
You have had so many things of me
I had given you everything
Except this blank ceiling
As you can tell
My world is made of not much
Just you and this one white empty space above my head.
The day of yesterday was over at 12.01 am. The night came at 12.02 am. After two hours listening to your music. The deal was off. I accomplished my promise with joy. I had been thinking of you the whole last day. You wished me sweet dreams. You said it was time to dream and not to think. I fell asleep. I fell happy. For a change.
The day starts again. Right now. I had made no deal with you today. No particular mission to accomplish. You are on my mind. I daydream. I feel happy. Again. It is sweet to feel happy in the morning. It never happened for months. Almost something to celebrate.
I say hello to the world and to you.
I feel light.
Probably thanks to you.
