What do you see ?

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Your eyes are mystery

In half words

In half smiles

I wish I could understand you more

Before we said goodbye

We suspended time

We froze time

For another time

In your eyes

In colors

In black or white

What is the color of your soul?

Your eyes are imagination

Enough to drive me crazy

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The office

“Memory is like fiction; or else it’s fiction that’s like memory.” (The Elephant Vanishes – Haruki Murakami)

When I leave the office late at night, I usually think of you on my way home. I have a thousand of moments with you at the office. People say that falling in love is like something which grabs you suddenly, something out of your control. With you I don’t know what that means. Loving you is not sudden. Loving you was not love at first sight. Falling in love with you was slow, so slow I did not even remember when and how. I had never thought of you differently as a colleague. I did remember we used to stay very late in the office to talk about life. Yes, we talked a lot about life and the world around us.

The last three days, I worked late. When it is dark outside, it reminds me exactly the moments we were together, talking. The building was by then empty, the cleaning ladies were there. I had a boyfriend at that time. He had never understood why I could stay so late in the office talking to you. He always thought that I was attracted to you. I had never had any thought about that. I just liked to be with you, late in the evening, in the office. I could never explain it to my boyfriend. He would never believe me. But it was not important. I just loved to be your friend, late in the evening. I had never felt the need to justify myself and this precious pleasure to anybody else.

Now sometimes I close my eyes during the day, just for a short while, I can still see you in front of me. Your desk is there. I did move it to the corner. But I can still see you sitting there. To access some databases, I still need to put on your name and password. You were the one who took care of these things. The other day I was cleaning up my desk and some files. Some notes falling out of a notebook, us writing to each other, nothing fancy, just work-related. But it gave me goosebumps, a quick warm and cold sensation in my back.

Memories seem recent. Memories seem fresh. It was like yesterday. Things are still so present. The past is more present than the present itself. Memories are not even memories. How could they be memories? I could feel them like my fingers could feel my hot cup of tea, like my tongue could feel the boiling tea.

I took my time to fall in love with you. I took my time to love you. There has never been any emergency. Nothing in me will ever turn into memories with you. Nothing was sudden. Nothing was impalpable. Being there with you was part of life. Loving you is part of living life, slowly and carefully. Because it is just me being. Like the chairs, the desks, the computers. Just being.

Who can leave you?

Desires desires desires

Butterflies in the sky

Wish to lightly touch your skin

With their fragile wings

Your beautiful hands

Your svelte body

The perfect shape of each of your muscles

Your colorful tattoos

Desires desires desires

Daffodils on the grass

Waving at you

A ladybird from a leaf

Falling into your warm palm

Posing peacefully with no intention to leave

The sun in your eyes

Enlightening your perfect features

Early September breeze

Everything is still

Fixed position

Not a move

Who can leave you ?

Part of this flawless scenery

I let the universe and each of its tiny creatures befriend with you, your eyes, your hands

I keep however for myself your lips

The same light breeze

Together with my first endless deep kiss

Posing delicately on your exquisite lips

Cooling down my boiling desires for you

But just for a short while.

Fever

Exhaustion seems to decide to terminate me tonight

My forehead is burning

I feel febrile

Seems like a slight fever and cold eating into my body

My head hurts

Messy thoughts as usual

I feel goosebumps all over my skin

Lack of sleeps for days

Then finally your words arrive

Irregular heartbeats

I feel febrile

My body is warm

Is it fever or the effect of your words?

I feel joy

My body is warmer

I can’t distinguish fever from joy

In my delirious thoughts

I just know that I like your words

And the way they make me feel

I slowly fall asleep

With your words

Like a very smooth lullaby

Cooling the fever and heating up the joy

I can’t distinguish anything

I feel febrile

I just know that I like your words

Those words of yours

Why do your words keep on dancing in my head?

They came late these nights and made me smile

I catch myself

Smiling in the streets

Smiling to people

People seem beautiful around me

Rain looks like sun

Cold air seems warm

Why do your words keep on singing in my head?

I am still smiling

People are beautiful

Rain is sun

Those witty words of yours

Could you please write them in the sky?

So rain would always be sun

Summer would last longer

Sorrows would never catch us

And I would be able to smile every day again.

Information about you and me

You cannot sleep at night when you are in your hometown.

You like to run when it is dark outside

You don’t take life too seriously

You love rain and thunderstorm

You don’t mind the bad weather

You like neat gardens but also when green grass grow wildly under your feet

Kids think you are one of them

You take coffee late at night and would like to sip it with me somehow

Apparently you look forward to seeing me

These are information about you

It should be enough for the moment

The rest I will find out by myself

I think you are pretty cool

I laugh a lot when I read your mails

I like the right tone of them

When I am with other people I write mails to you

But I think when I am with you, I won’t write to anybody else

I like your playlists

I look forward to seeing you too

These are information about me

It should be enough for the moment

The rest you will have to find out by yourself

The ceiling

“I dream. Sometimes I think that’s the only right thing to do. ” (Sputnik Sweetheart – Haruki Murakami)

I like to stare at the ceiling. Thinking of nothing

Waiting for nothing

Or something that could happen to me. Anything

Any sign from the white blank ceiling

An tiny insect flying towards me

I blink for a second

Then again nothing

These moments belong to me. Impenetrable my mind

The only moments when I leave you aside

You have had so many things of me

I had given you everything

Except this blank ceiling

As you can tell

My world is made of not much

Just you and this one white empty space above my head.

This morning

The day of yesterday was over at 12.01 am. The night came at 12.02 am. After two hours listening to your music. The deal was off. I accomplished my promise with joy. I had been thinking of you the whole last day. You wished me sweet dreams. You said it was time to dream and not to think. I fell asleep. I fell happy. For a change.

The day starts again. Right now. I had made no deal with you today. No particular mission to accomplish. You are on my mind. I daydream. I feel happy. Again. It is sweet to feel happy in the morning. It never happened  for months. Almost something to celebrate.

I say hello to the world and to you.

I feel light.

Probably thanks to you.