There was no idealization in her love but she had once called him God

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Today is his birthday.

She gathers all the words written through the last past year dedicating to him or an idea of him, whoever he is or could be.

This is LOVE through words:

I put on a Bach concerto, came closer to him, stopped all the words, let him kiss me and undress me. Was I on earth? Was I in heaven? Death, immortality, do I want to live forever for that moment? Or do I want to die right away after that kiss, that touch? I could say “yes” to all these questions.

With him, she had lost her cynical vision of a couple. With him, she had wished for routine. With him, she had never asked for the permission to leave.

Each fight scene in the movie made me wonder: is his broken toe still hurt? Does the cut above his left eye cicatrize well? Are his ears still swollen from all the fights? And all the other injures? Probably they are all scars by now.

Without you/ My shadow decomposed/ I tried to follow dots and spots /Of light/ To recompose myself of particles/ That you had once composed.

I split myself into two/ So me and my other self /We can both love you/ When one of us wants to walk away/ The other can stay and love you

Read my lips/I LOVE YOU/These words even in no sound/ Are still eternally made for you/ By me and only me

I whispered into his left ear “I love you” and put my hand on his right ear so that the sound of these three words could stay there forever. It was symbolic and it was my last word to him. I omitted on purpose the word “forever”. Because it will not be true.

If you can remember me/Remember the friendship/Because it was how we had started

I never learn from PAIN. Past sufferings never serve as a lesson. Though there was always a moment of hesitation because of fear. But then love always wins. I learn a lot from LOVE. One thing I learned from love was to accept its consequences. Including pain. Alas.

I never understand the meaning of “doing activities” or “doing new activities”/To change the ideas and to forget you or to think less of you/You are forever/Like the blue sky, like the green grass/There are things/That we cannot change

My legs shake/My body trembles/You hold me tight/We stand there/At the most romantic square in town/But for once it is all grey and melancholic/I kiss your lips/Wet of my tears/Why do you look so sad?/Because we are over/Or because tears and kisses/Are always a sad combination?

I am an ordinary person/I live an ordinary life/My thoughts are ordinary/The only thing extraordinary about me/Is my love for you/So I hang on to it day after day/Because deep down/I want to be extraordinary.

He looks at her. He has one expression. Sad. Sad and sad. Now he feels something. Sadness. His cup of coffee is empty. Her glass of wine is empty. She stands up, hails the waitress. He leans against her and puts his head against her belly. They stay like that for a while. They hear the wind, the leaves and the trees crying, as a sign of sympathy for their sad farewell. Sad love is in the air. Strong love is in her heart. Unique love is him. Like a silent tornado broken inside her.

I took my time to fall in love with you. I took my time to love you. There has never been any emergency. Nothing in me will ever turn into memories with you. Nothing was sudden. Nothing was impalpable.

With no intentions/No objectives/No confusion/No hurry/I love you/In no directions/In no blindness

You inspired me/Love combined with freedom/My soul has grown/Not even you can imagine/I am your disciple/In my love and your freedom

Tomorrow I go and get the sun for you/I will go and get enough of everything for you/Things you need and things you don’t need

I anticipate his actions/I anticipate his boredom/I anticipate his enthusiasm/I anticipate his feelings/I anticipate his pain/I see him in the dark/I hear him in silence/I read him without words

I am a flawed human being. With a perfect love. My heart is pounding. I bury doubts, questions. I give back the air, the oxygen, I have enough of everything to breathe. I defy loneliness. I can nourish myself out of this perfect love for you. That love which replaces air, sky, stars, rain, sun. I am a flawed human being who survives out of everything. Thanks to you.

I stayed exactly two minutes in front of the house, exactly at the same spot where we were kissing. I said to myself: “I had loved him exactly here. Ice is cold, roses are red. I fell in love exactly here.”

Love you floating/Love you breathing/Love you in apnea/Love you/ Losing my mind

Times I spent with him/Like vodka, like martini, like tequila, like sake/Times I spent with him/Like honey, like chocolate, like cupcakes

If I could catch a ray of sun/I would wrap it in my frozen hands/And sent it to you in a postal letter/In an old way with envelop and stamp

How can/could I love that much? Loving that much just empties you all inside. But I don’t feel empty at all. I feel lucky somehow. So many things had happened in between. Between this first post and all the other ones in my blog. However the power of that love just stands out among all other things.

******

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