I could not be wronger. Incredible how I was all wrong.
I thought that I have been cool and easygoing. Suggesting once in a while: “wanna see me for a drink/dinner, next week?”. I thought that it gave you space and time. And freedom. I never saw it as a way of controlling or dominating the relationship. I never saw it as if it was all about me, when and how I was ready and willing to see you. I never saw it as if you would have to play by my rules. I never saw it as if I had left you in the dark and insecurity. As if I never cared less about how you could feel.
I did not know. I did it for a year. I decided for both of us. When things had to change, when things had to stay the same, when I have changed and when I knew I love you as crazy. I kept on being cool and casual. Suggesting once in a while: “wanna see me? I love you.” Yes, I added these three words every single time. But I never gave more of me. Being cool seems like selfishness in love. At some point, cool becomes careless. I have been like that for the last year.
I am so sorry for that. I was so wrong. I am sorry you had to follow my “unconscious” rules.
From now on, I will be more attentive. I will say “I love you”, uniquely because I want to spend my life with you. And not just because I can go for a drink when I am free.
I hope it’s not too late to rectify my clumsiness.
I am sorry you had to go through this. Waiting for me to be less easygoing.